Walking in the Desert

 3 nights ago Scott's lung collapsed causing a Pneumothorax. I had been able to go home for the 4th blessed night in a row when I got the phone call that morning. I knew something was wrong because he wasn't responding to my text, then when I saw the number my heart sank.  When I arrived at the hospital it was a cleaned up horror scene, with a splatter of blood still on the ceiling they'd missed. My husband didn't look like my husband anymore, but a 90 year old man struggling to breath. His stats were not good, he was maxed out on high flow, and still minimal on bi-pap but couldn't stay off it. He was blue and ashy, mouth open, and his breaths came in two movements instead of one almost like a fish trying to breath out of water for too long. That, by the way, is the picture they give you when you're father is dying on hospice and it's the very end. I felt like I'd walked into the very end.  The Dr. was talking vent again.  So we waited and watched him.  ...

Something about being in ICU has frustrated me....well, several things but I'm only going to talk about this one, so don't distract me will ya?!  There are many studies about ICU Psychosis and the negative effects of being in ICU on a patient. Several of them list ways to make it easier on the patient such as family support but oh don't even get me started on that one after Covid, trust me you don't want to hear that argument...I don't think I can be nice about it.  Another is keeping the same staff, and not switching nurses as often seems to help patients. And, I have to admit that it can be VERY difficult having a new nurse every 12 hours. I know they get the charts, notes, and updates from the previous nurses but there are always things that they won't know from those. Always something to update them on...and quite frankly, sometimes it's difficult to convince them that I know my husband better because I understand they have the very in depth knowledge of...