3 nights ago Scott's lung collapsed causing a Pneumothorax. I had been able to go home for the 4th blessed night in a row when I got the phone call that morning. I knew something was wrong because he wasn't responding to my text, then when I saw the number my heart sank.
When I arrived at the hospital it was a cleaned up horror scene, with a splatter of blood still on the ceiling they'd missed. My husband didn't look like my husband anymore, but a 90 year old man struggling to breath. His stats were not good, he was maxed out on high flow, and still minimal on bi-pap but couldn't stay off it. He was blue and ashy, mouth open, and his breaths came in two movements instead of one almost like a fish trying to breath out of water for too long. That, by the way, is the picture they give you when you're father is dying on hospice and it's the very end. I felt like I'd walked into the very end.
The Dr. was talking vent again.
So we waited and watched him.
In the next 48 hours, we found out he has two blood clots, one in arm and one in leg, along with suspected clots in lungs so they started him on heparin. His vein ultrasound showed Superficial clot in left arm and a Deep Venus thrombosis which is subacute behind his left knee. It’s also suspected that he may have a clot in his lung. So they started heparin drip last night to try to combat these. Ps they say he’s not allergic to heparin after all. The Echocardiogram showed a grade 1 diastolic dysfunction which doesn’t surprise me as his heart rate has been climbing due to all the stress on his body and how weak he is. His heart is overcompensating.
Kidney labs look good. His sodium is down a little. Kidney ultrasound looked ok but showed high pressure. His Urine Output was super low the past 24 hours, so they were concerned about kidneys failing or a stone possibly. He does have a UTI so they will begin antibiotics today and switched out his catheter to a clean one. I think the previous was TOO dirty, therefore it was causing backup which caused an infection. His blood keep hemolyzing, I asked the Dr. today if it was because she took him off steroids (which I wasn't happy about learning yesterday), because that was the first sign of it stressing his body out last time they took him off, then his platelets plummeted. She said it was possible and they'd watch it. I also asked if the reason he formed blood clots was because they'd taken him off the non-heparin IV and went back to lovinox shots (since it's lower dose). She said it's possible. That frustrates me because i begged her not to change the drip. It was working, and he was so fragile, why change it if it's working and looks good?! Those were my exact words. She assured me they'd watch his platelets and make sure it didn't harm him. Back to today, he is very weak. Can barely lift his arms and cannot lift his legs weak. It’s hard to see but I’m sure much more difficult on this big strong mountain man of mine.
He’s still here. Still fighting. We don’t know what God is doing. We don’t know which home Scott will go to after this valley, what I do know is that Scott says he has peace either way and that he rests in his savior.
My thoughts on it all:
I give up. I resign to the roller coaster and just ride it while figuratively holding Gods hand and looking up to Him while waiting to see what He does next. I can ride the roller coaster as long as He is here with me and leading us on it. In my weakness He is strong and I’m working on being content with that, it’s not easy.
Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10, NASB)
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Today, I learned that his lungs actually look better for the FIRST time since he was admitted to the hospital. Now, we just need his body to start healing too, because it's like now that his lungs want to look better, his body is giving up.
After Scott got his nightly chest X-ray I snuck a photo of it. Then I went to the nurse and said “look, I’m not a Dr or Radiologist but am I crazy or does this look better?” I then proceeded to show her where the lung was no longer collapsed and how the fluids even looked better. This morning, the Dr confirmed it.
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I'm encouraged by the xray, but if you could see him you'd understand why I still worry. HIs color is a little better, but he's still a frail 90 year old man. So tired, can hardly do anything, can hardly lift his own fork, just wants to sleep, not eating, etc. He says he has alot to live for, but I'm not seeing alot of fight right now and that scares me. I know mentally he wants too, but physically I'm not sure he has it in him. So, I'm fighting for him.
I'll be here riding this roller coaster, as long as he is.
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