Walking in the Desert

Something about being in ICU has frustrated me....well, several things but I'm only going to talk about this one, so don't distract me will ya?!  There are many studies about ICU Psychosis and the negative effects of being in ICU on a patient. Several of them list ways to make it easier on the patient such as family support but oh don't even get me started on that one after Covid, trust me you don't want to hear that argument...I don't think I can be nice about it.  Another is keeping the same staff, and not switching nurses as often seems to help patients. And, I have to admit that it can be VERY difficult having a new nurse every 12 hours. I know they get the charts, notes, and updates from the previous nurses but there are always things that they won't know from those. Always something to update them on...and quite frankly, sometimes it's difficult to convince them that I know my husband better because I understand they have the very in depth knowledge of...

God Is Our Fortress A place of seclusion, a place of strength. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  The Lord says He is here with us during trouble.  2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,  3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah When everything seems in calamity, He is the only steadfast place. We are not to fear, even when everything around us is falling apart.  4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High.  God guides the river that brings life. Lifesource, river that feeds the city. God brings life.  5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.  God will point to her proper destination in time of need. IE If you are anxious at night, not knowing direction. When the morning comes your vision clear...

The team of Doctors came in today. Nothing has changed, I challenged them to think outside the box and research on their own anything that may spur Scott's healing but they were unwilling to do so. I could never be that type of Doctor. I could never resign to what others are saying, content to only follow protocols which aren't working, and do nothing else because someone in a higher position hasn't told me to do it. When they were telling me about the meeting they attend where the higher institutions set the protocols and care and do the research which they are content to listen to, I even mentioned "such as the higher institution which just declared that hospital staff must come to work if they test positive for COVID"? The ICU Dr just sighed, and the Pulmonologist got a littler more cocky than he already was. I didn't like him, not because he was blunt but because he wasn't honest. Here's the deal, I'm just the type of person that if you lie to ...

 Since I'm just putting all my thoughts down this morning, this is one of them. Every time Scott wakes up and tries to speak today he sounds exactly like Ozzy Osbourne. He's so heavily sedated that he cannot comprehend what's going on and he cannot clearly communicate, though he tries until he falls asleep mid sentence.  It's funny to a point. But it's more scary. This isn't my husband. My husband is in there, but is he still fighting? I can't tell. 

  John 14 1-3   d “ Let   not   your   hearts   be   troubled .  e Believe   in   God ; 1   believe   also   in   me .   2  In   f my   Father’s   house   are   many   rooms .  If   it   were   not   so ,  would   I   have   told   you   that   g I   go   to   prepare   a   place   for   you ? 2   3  And   if   I   go   and   prepare   a   place   for   you ,  I   will   come   again   and   will   take   you   h to   myself ,  that   i where   I   am   you   may   be   also .   Psalm 23:1-2 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.    How? Our pastor gave...

  I had planned to start from the beginning so it's not confusing. I had planned to go back to my journal, notes, facebook posts, etc. But, the simple facts are that this roller coaster never stops and the longer I try, the more time passes and nothing gets done. So, chaos it is. But chaos fits, because the last 4 weeks of our lives have been nothing but constant chaos with only a few sane breaks that do not last long.  44 days ago I came down with covid.  30 days ago I was hospitalized with pneumonia for 3 days 33 days ago Scott came down with covid 24 days ago Scott was hospitalized with pneumonia And we are still here. We've been from St John Broken Arrow, to St John Main 8 west, to floor 9, to ICU and we've been in ICU for 8 days now.  He's had complication after complication. Pneumomediastinum, pneumomediathorax, Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, Platelets stopped being produced and dropped to 30,000, Severe Complicated ARDS, Cavitary Lesion, Anxiety through the ROOF...